Bertha Takes on the NRA

Yeah, we know dangerous turf, but since when have you ever known Bertha to back down against anyone nor anything? Bertha was hysterical following the mass shooting in Las Vegas. Vegas where a sheep can be a sheep, let her fur down, flaunt them, moon them, and where puppy can shake his ya ya’s and have a romp with carrots, melons. Nobody bats an eye at either. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

This time, the shooting didn’t just stay in Vegas. It made national news. The fact the gunman had an arsenal didn’t seem to faze the NRA, but should have. It phased Bertha and the rest of the world, his victims and their families. NRA and Donald Trump couldn’t care less. To them it’s just a group of whiny humans that are upsetting the apple cart. Well guys, your days of wine and roses is over.

Humans are changing their position on gun control. If backwoods Charlie and his band of inbred idiots want to hunt Bambi they will have to answer to a higher power. Bertha is in the house and she won’t be silenced. Since when does anyone need a silencer to shoot Bambi? Or an ak47 assault weapon to hunt a squirl. We agree they are a pain in the ass, like to piss off drivers, throw acorns while Bertha works on her car. We get that. But nobody needs to own an arsenal unless you are the military or police.

The excuse of we need it for self-defense, or what if we are invaded doesn’t wash. That is what cell phones are for, and why we have the national guard. Bertha isn’t worried that she does not conceal or carry. Flaunting them has more power and effect than a weapon of mass killing. If puppy is assaulted by melons he makes good use of them, if he is rolfed by carrots he makes a crudité platter for later. As for Bertha, the woman is a known carrier of something much darker. She is winking. The sheep does not kiss and tell. Suffice it to say guns and ammo will never be part of her wardrobe.

But we have both a group of Neanderthals who think you have to carry to be macho. You have a POTUS who got money from them who looks the other way. Guys, there is nothing macho about a man or woman carrying a gun. Sheep know, the whole 007 thing, which glorified secret agents who sported glocks. But this isn’t a movie. There is no Gold Finger, nor DR. NO. Strangelove who is in office, and worked for Bush, maybe. Sheep know as we all found out, bullets kill, and people rarely come walking out of the dust unscathed.

Surgeons will tell you, there is nothing sexy or glorious about a gunshot wound. But Potus and the NRA and its followers seem to ignore those facts, and only focus on wanting to live like a group of backwoods rambos on the make. If you are into inter breeding that is cool, sheep get it. But please stop forcing your Neanderthal ways on the public. Yes, guns do kill people, not just the shooters.

You don’t often see Bertha going on her soapbox as she is now. But this is personal to her. She cried after Sandi Hook, the attacks at the many colleges and night clubs. How many people have to die before anyone gives a damn? When you see country crooners saying, guys I think we need a referendum on this, something needs to change. They like to hunt, but when they become the targets, it’s a whole new ballgame. Bertha knows some will still tune this out, say she is just a grumpy sheep. No, just one who thinks that blood, guts and Chanel clash.


Trump Suffers From Hoof In Mouth Disease…..

Is it us or does Donald continue to have hoof in mouth disease? No, not athletes paw, we know he hates those guys. We are talking about all of the bile that continues to spew out of his mouth. There is a cure for that. Bertha had that once, but we think hers came from a rendezvous with an itchy politico.

No, the sort we are referring to stems from a lack of control. When his eyes cross out comes the bile. When they go straight, out come the lies. When they are somewhere in the middle, well, we know what comes out of that. Oy, We caught examples of this.

His tax plan would have you believe that only middle class would benefit. Um, well, uh, NO. The largest, wealthiest of corporations, billionaires, those with enough to launch an arc, but not in San Juan, it will actually benefit. The rest of humans are going to be screwed. Apparently San Juan according to Trump is not on his agenda, he would rather play golf. Sorry guys, sheep tried.

His healthcare bill would again aid those who can afford it, while the rest of the human species suffers. Sheep would not be able to obtain implants, waxing, getting our eyes to uncross, but if he approved, thought we might be easy? Oh he would approve to have our tits inflated. Kim, for now you are safe. Chloe we are not as sure about, and well, we know your little sis won’t be getting any aide, anytime soon. Better load up of condoms dear.

Then as we said, he dislikes aiding anyone who suffers from poverty. San Juan, we know you are at the top of his shit list, as he still refuses to quit insulting you. It’s ok, the rest of the world gets your plight. Aide is coming, you are not alone. His dislike for the NFL, also is under fire. We doubt it is just about the flag, if that had been the case, where are the comments about Dennis Rodman?

Bernie et all have been active referring to him being cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Gee Howard, ya think? There is help for hoof and mouth, but the rest? Not even a full on suppository would help this. Sheep recognize crazy when we see it or hear it, and this goes way beyond that. Bernie, we salute you, Howard, good to see you have not lost your sense of humor. McCain? If it was us, we would be moving to Canada or Cuba, as your healthcare isn’t going to be around if Homey gets his way. Ruth we know you too might be in danger of getting the boot. If he uses age discrimination against you the way he uses the LGBT thing against future applicants, and we know he does, yes Virginia, you too are in danger.

When his own people are stepping back as if he broke wind, something needs to change and we don’t mean his depends. The problem is that his disease is contagious, as we still have to deal with those morons who are his talking heads. Honestly, you get more response out of a blow up doll. Bill knows all about that one, is snickering.

Even when our dear friend Heff passed on to that great Sheep pasture in the sky, Donald had to make snarky remarks. Sheep were verklempt. Bertha sobbed for days, and puppy did his bit having a romp with carrots and melons in his honor. But Trump, no, he had to make some snarky remark about the bunnies. Ladies, you wore it well, and Bertha salutes you. But Donald just can’t help himself.

You have to know at some point he will even push the envelope too far with the KKK and they too will put out a contract on him. He cannot wear the robe or hood in their presence. He can sport the swastika, but not refer to himself as a racist. David Duke is counting the days until he can toss him out. Melania, if that day comes, run dear, you are not a protected species.

Just once we would like to see him go before Judge Judy and have her throw the book at him. NO literally, throw the book Judy, it’s ok, we won’t object. He would probably make a snarky comment about her sporting whips and chains under her robe. Bad move Donald, HUGE. If she didn’t bitch slap you one way, for sure she would do so in another. Puppy is snickering.

For some, there is just no help, for others there are suppositories. ….But we digress.


Bertha Prepares for The End….

Bertha is preparing for the end of the world. After all, if a group of crazies predicted this, it must be true. Well we will let the old girl get her groove on, pack her designer attire, her Louboutains, get her implants inflated, fur waxed, eye brows tweezed, tushy padded, and her contacts straightened out. Puppy is buying up as much produce as he can, as he plans to have one good last romp with carrots in case the end comes. If he is romping carrots, we know the end will come. Yeah, we had to say that.

The last time someone told Bertha the end was coming, she went all out, had the tits inflated, tushy inflated, got her fur waxed, teeth whitened, tan upgraded, nails lacquered with Shag Me RED Sailor, and her attire steamed and standing at the ready. Of course Puppy was not to be outdone, as he stashed his suitcase with carrots, melons, squash, turnips, watermelons, and of course Cuban cigars. In fact, he made sure when they travelled, if they went thru security at the airports, he could not be caught with his pants down. Bertha was another matter. Bertha not only let em fly, but mooned the entire TSA ground crew, burning retinas and creating quite the scene. Hey, she figured if it was going to be her last go, she was going all out. We know she let it all out and had been banned for a year.

Puppy managed to smuggle his stash onto the plane, running to the loo for his rendezvous with melons. The moans coming out of the loo were heard all across the plane, causing the pilot to assume they were under attack. The little guy not only got caught in the throes of passion, but was heard asking for a cigarette after. We know he had a nice crudité platter for later on, and did not let evil stares stop him from having a go with carrots in his seat. he gave a whole new meaning to mile high club. Bertha of course was use to this so nothing fazed her. She was busy spraying herself with Tie Me Up and Tie Me Down perfume. The fog was heavy and people were gagging. To her disappointment, nobody tied her up nor down.

But this time, both Puppy and Bertha were a bit more cautious. They were not going to just assume the position and accept the world was nigh. Bertha claimed until she saw Donald leaving office, taking his melons with him, nothing was serious. Kelly Ann still claims they are not his melons. Ah but the proof is in the denial. Bertha wants to see everyone get single payer, wages not made for a cocker roach, but humans. She wants to see equality for all, not just the David Duke crowd, or the wealthy. Puppy wants a law passed that if NFL players are on their knees, they cannot be fired for prayer or other nefarious acts. Bertha says women are not the only ones to get on their knees, its time the guys get their chance too. Donald is saying, hell no, only his jugs and melons are allowed on their knees. Kelly Ann and others are giving the low five. The old girl would like to see Bernie get his chance, and Hillary to be vilified, getting Kim Dung Jung too Low become the heir apparent to an suppository.

Bertha plans to throw a going out party, not to be confused with a coming out party. Mimosas will be served, with a champagne brunch for all of the politicos to be snockered enough to vote against Obama Care Repeal and Replace. She knows John McCain is already coming, as are his cronies, leaving some to wonder if in fact the world has gone crazy, let’s misbehave. Puppy will serve his crudité platter, with the stipulation that if shagging is to occur, they must bring their own. Her chandelier has been equipped with handles for those desiring a last fling, and air pumps for her ta-ta’s should they deflate.

We are not about to tell the old girl that all of this is for naught , but if she wants to get her groove on, more power to her. Sheep won’t stop her nor Puppy. Should some of the guests become a bit too aroused and hit the red button, and a certain dictator should suddenly be seen flying across the sky on the world’s largest suppository, kneeling for the national anthem is optional. So sheep say to all of you who choose to throw yourselves a little naughty, getting snockered, and letting them fly?

Bertha says she will come, but do bring goggles, produce and a tushy pad and depends. You might need them…..But we digress….


Bertha’s Net Widens…..

The sheep are at the door. Bertha and puppy have been busy trying to uncover the secrets in the spying probe. Whispers of Obama having spied on Trump is nothing new, nor is the one about him setting up Hillary. We know Michelle was spying on Barry, uncovering his penchant for poker and hot sauce. Trump was spying on Melania, does she or doesn’t she? Spicer was heard to be refusing to answer questions about all of it, and pleading the fifth. Hmmm, sounds like Lurch has his hands full.

What has been hidden? The ménage a troi with Putin? David Duke is saying nope, he was too busy with Donald at a pep rally somewhere in Michigan. Robes were optional, but the hood was mandatory. Barry is saying he doesn’t cheat, he likes to hide things in his socks. Uh huh, we get it Barry. Melania isn’t going to kiss and tell and we hear she does, but her hairdresser is the only one with the facts. Spicer refuses to answer if anyone in the Trump White house was into stashing. We know someone in there was into produce, but whether it was for those Hello Sailor moments or snacks is up in the air.

Hillary has gotten in the mix as she denies having spied on Bernie. Everyone was spying on Bernie, except Putin. Putin was too busy having the ménage with Kelly. Of course trying to get anything out of Kelly is like trying to get the stolen child’s heart out of Dick Cheney. It’s not going to happen. Bernie still is looking into this, and he hopes to have answers before the next election.

Bertha has her little black book and can connect the dots. The problem is once they are connected, it’s not a pretty sight and they resemble someone getting the bend over and cough routine. Dinner and drinks not included, but spanking apparently is. Puppy knows who has been having the romp with carrots and who has been shagging the melons. Kelly denies this, saying it wasn’t her, though Lurch has found evidence to support Puppy’s findings.

Trump was heard saying he wasn’t going to shag the melons, though we think his last two wives might dispute that one. Ivanka wasn’t included in the shag a thon, as that would be too normal. Homey had much to say, though wasn’t at liberty to share with us his insider information just yet. Bertha is patient and can wait. Questions to Putin came up as to what he would get out of a ménage with Trump et all. Trump said he would not build a wall, which Mexico is showing relief. They did say that both would hire a good barber for the little dictator in N. Korea and get his wardrobe updated

Now, was that spy speak for taking him out and buying him drinks, or something darker? Only the NSA knows for sure and they are not talking. Puppy uncovered the end of the world saga that some claim will come on Saturday. No Vagina, that isn’t the end of the world, only the heavy breathing of God who is more than a little pissed off about the bigots in Washington.

But hey, who are sheep to try to stop the crazies who want to assume the position and let it rip? Sheep are going to throw a party and serve Mimosas, puppy offered up his crudité platter and Barry has said he would chip in with his hot sauce. We think Saturday will come and go and we will see just another day with the wanker showing off his squash to the world. Does anyone else think this guy has issues? Is it time for his Prozac? NSA is asking do they mean Trump or Kim? We are going to let you decide that one.

As for the rest of us, we will pass the produce platter, mimosas and continue to keep track. Lurch might need a larger net as sheep won’t stop digging until all of the melons have been shagged. ….But we digress….

Bertha is Protesting….

Bertha was seen marching with puppy at a rally. The old girl wasn’t going to let the fact she was an import, though legal, trans sheep, ankles aching from marching in Louboutains bother her. The woman was on a mission. No, this wasn’t the tirade going on in St. Louis, though sheep do think it went a bit too far.

Bertha wants to know when Big Sister and Brother will stop snooping on her. Yeah, we know hackers, but how long can you use this excuse guys? When sheep dug deep to study the programs used by homeland security, didn’t it occur to them someone else could use that against us? Hello.

Now if she tries to check her credit, land a job, buy toilet paper, or other supplies, her info goes into a data bank. Just who is reading this data? May we spy on them? How do we know what they will find is fact? Talk is cheap when the story is good and story just goes farther down the line. What do they want to know? Is Bertha real? Who did her plastics? Does she buy one ply or two? The answer is three. Homeland is looking at this and saying there is no three-ply. Ha, caught you spying. What do they want to know?

Does she shag and tell government secrets? Would she tell you if she did? No. Bertha does not kiss and tell. Though many have tried to ply her with booze and pate, secrets go to her grave. Booze just gets her hot and horny and then she is off to the races and swinging from the chandeliers. One politico who shall remain nameless found out the hard way, if you start getting the old girl plowed, all hell breaks loose.

Bertha pulls out the pump and begins making things larger. The next thing you know she is flying around the room, rooting and tooting and its on. Too much information? Not enough? Was that what you guys call an oops moment? Bertha is snarfing. The Ruskies have nothing on Bertha, though they know she likes her vodka chilled. She likes her nails lacquered in Shag me Red Sailor, and her booties at attention. People have tried to figure out who she actually is, what she looks like and are they real?

Bertha won’t answer those questions. If she is buying produce, does that mean she has a produce fetish, or just into making soup? Is Produce a secret word for something else? Does she stash like Puppy does, or does she do this out in the open? If she is whipping up something, just what the hell is she really doing? If she likes to spank the monkey, is she indeed spanking a politico, or something else? George is sitting there and saying he will never tell. Laura you have him trained so well.

The spying on her has become boring. Bertha goes out of her way just to find new ways to annoy homeland security. She moons the laptop on a regular basis, and lets them fly. If she is causing damage to their retinas, that is on them. Naughty boys. She would make a hell of a spy, even Mata has nothing on her. If Potus wanted to get his revenge on the little dictator, all he has to do is let Bertha loose and forget the war games.  Bertha knows how to manage pains in the ass, and puppy says nothing says revenge like a guy caught stashing or using his produce.

Bertha knows NSA likes to try to trick her into using sheep speak. They have tried to give her a snow job, play peek a boo with her laptop and send naughty ditties. Bertha isn’t taking the bait. Yes she uses tush ups and has been known to accidentally send nude photos of her to world leaders. The little guy is still trying to figure out who sent that to him, blames Trump. Get a clue unlike Trump, Bertha does not wear a rug. Hers is natural and yes the carpet matches the drapes. NSA is saying what the hell is she talking about? Oy wouldn’t you like to know?

Look if you are going to spy on humans at least have the decency to admit it. Then they can prepare for the fall out when job offers come due, or that car they tried to get does not come back to bite them. Bertha has been dealing with the NSA and Homeland for so long they have become pals. Puppy is giving the middle paw. Put your produce away little guy, they have not shut us down yet. To the contrary, how many other sheep do you know with such a background in their own software? Now, are we talking about their package or actual soft ware? Bertha will never tell.

Oy Another Sheep Done Dirty….

Bertha is not a happy camper. One of our own has become ostracized by the very university she was to be visiting professor. Was it because she grew tits? I mean come on its not as if men have not had to wear the Bro. Was she too butch, or not butch enough for the guys? Oy my aching loins, they just are never happy with women.

Sheep know this particular sheep was the whistleblower. She had cojones, she had chutzpah, she was a real dame. So now she gets kicked in the slats because she was made out to be a traitor. So did she discuss her little black book? Did she figure out Dick Cheney wasn’t a guy, but a shemale? Close? No, this sheep actually blew the whistle off the top of the phony gay Iraq War Wedding cake. Evangelicals are passing vapors over the use of gay and wedding cake in the same breath. Cool it ladies, you are going to drop a kidney if you don’t stop with the constipation.

No, this sheep dared to out those who were behind the Iraq war. She dared to question everything that the white house was doing, and feeding to the masses. Honestly, if it had been a wedding cake for gays, it would have been treated the same. Heavy breathing, threats and whiffs of jail time if she didn’t quit. No Vagina, she didn’t quit. Chelsea dared to do a tell all. She dared to go to our sheep pal Julian and spill her loins. All hell broke loose, both ended up in the same place as Edward, ie the lap of Siberia, and away she went.

Is it us, or do dirty secrets end up on the cutting room floor? Must sheep have to become dames to fit in, hide who they are, what they may or may not have done, outed? How come we don’t see Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Obama, et, all. in cushy jail cells? Why is it that the innocent who have moments of the vapors end up having to get them lopped off to protect themselves? Lady Valor is sitting there saying you said it sister. We know they don’t wear the robes and hoods well, ruin the innocent and try to take anyone else connected down with them.

Sheep won’t do that to Chelsea. We refuse to treat her like anything other than a lady. A lady with larger cojones even though hers were lopped. We appreciate people like George Clooney, Amal, and others hidden in the bushes who dared to defend her honor. If she wasn’t a threat they would not be treating her this way. Hmmm, did she get too close to the truth? Were the dirty little secrets too much for the public’s delicate ears? It’s those dirty little secrets that get people in trouble. It’s not the whistleblower, not the gays, transgendered, it’s those who would end up pariahs, jail bait and man candy for their cell mates.

Chelsea Manning, this blog is for you, and all who dare to speak out, tell the truth, dig for facts, and declare a throw down. Sheeprants stand behind you, and welcome you into our flock. To those who can’t see beyond the lies, there are enemas for that.


Bertha Discusses Daca…..

Isn’t it nice when you are in the throes of chatting and BIG SISTER decides you cannot discuss anything? A bit too NSA isn’t it? What, did Bertha offend those with virgin ears? Did she cross a line by using terms like tushie, or tits? Oy my aching loins! Bertha won’t be censored, and you can’t shut her up, others have tried and failed.

So what is it that Big Sister, Snow White is mad about now? Is the idea that I might discuss DACA or that rogue dude with the bad haircut in North Korea? Ok, Bertha will talk DACA which many see as CACA. So what is it that makes so many support DACA or not? Sheep have our own take on this, and we will explain both sides.

When rogue sheep were caught stashing undocumented sheep without papers, it became a war. Those of us who were forced to become women to fit in, took that as a slap in the face. We not only had our papers, we went through implants, waxing, forced to learn to wear uncomfortable shoes for job interviews, driving and giving the middle paw. We had to have em lopped off, making our eyes cross, though our tits now looked fabulous.

When we learned some were stashing in undocumented sheep, Bertha became enraged. It gave her the trots. No terriers were going to come in and push her out. She is legal and faces the same challenges other legal sheep do: bad wages, poor or no healthcare, forced to decide between paying for food or rent, transportation and education. The idea that rogue sheep snuck in without going through what we have been was just too much.

But there are those who think those rogues should be allowed in without penalty. She is giving the middle paw. Let’s see, getting jobs trained workers cannot land, not having to report income on taxes, getting a free ride with healthcare and free food and housing, money to live high on the hog with….shall sheep go on? Hmmm, sounds like there is an awful lot of Crisco getting passed around those paws. Bertha is snarfing.

Then there are those who attack sheep if they voice their opinions. We get free speech, but unless they have become victims to lost jobs, wages, healthcare, loans, etc. They can’t possibly know what its like. We Love Fondue, don’t get us wrong. But at some point you have to say, prepare this the right way or go home. The problem is they don’t want to go home. They don’t want to prepare it the right way, and they won’t take advice. Sounds a lot like the Food Network doesn’t it, temperamental chefs with big egos.

They refer to DACA as CACA. That is what the papers are for. Hello.

But we tried to discuss this only to have Big Sister delete us. Was it something we said? Was it the fact we chose to use our rights to free speech to make people read between the lines? Yeah we can see how that could be construed as  sheep speak. But when you are in someone else’s kitchen, there are rules to be followed. They can’t just throw a party and leave without cleaning up the mess they leave behind.  Yeah we know, more sheep speak.

Hey would we have been censored if we discussed that beast in North Korea? Didn’t think so. Only in America.