Bertha is snarfing, aside from trying to beat this human flu bug from hell, she was informed she will be audited. Bertha is sitting on her divan, Kleenex sticking out of her nose, eyes running, boobs hanging sideways, as she tries to gather her receipts for her tax audit. Apparently thanks to Donald Trump, what she was told she could use for deductions, does not fly with the IRS.
Puppy enters the room, grabs his produce and begins sorting thru the rash of papers, items, toys, and crudité platters. Apparently nobody at the IRS found it amusing that he tried to list produce, a bleach bottle, mop or melons. Had they been listed under meals, he might have gotten a partial deduction, but romping, rolfing, having a go with anything that does not belong in the back-end, does not constitute meals. hamsters on the other hand, are considered deductions for Med students, as those require their skills for removal. Puppy the ever insistent beast that he is, is researching ways he can list his stash.
Bertha, tried to list her usual suspects, inflatables, inserts, wax, tanning beds, glasses, contact lenses. Of those, only the contact lenses, glasses were considered legit. They fall under medical. But trying to maintain her boobs, tushy, tan, wax, just don’t cut it. Unless during the lopping of the family jewels things somehow got removed, boob maintenance is not considered a taxable event. Word to the dames with inserts, gals, that new boob job isn’t medical, its vanity.
But her teeth, feet, and any other part of her anatomy was up for grabs. As Bertha struggled trying to sort the documents, she kept whining, her nose was running like a faucet, and she was trying to open those damn child proof cold med packages. Sheep can’t open things like humans can, hooves only get you so far. Puppy took the bottle and between his teeth and paws was able to open the package. Of course in doing so they flew around the room and one ended up down the toilet. Bertha wasn’t going to let a pill escape so she dove in head first to get her nose stuck. She got the pill and like a champ was holding it up like a gold medal. Puppy grabbed her by her boobs and eventually the popping noise ended up to be her head, not the implants.
As Bertha continued to go thru her documents, she came across the item that Trump states was legal to do for 2018 from 2019. Yes, we are talking about those taxes the rich and greedy were trying to take advantage of. Apparently when she and they tried to get their 2019 and 2020 taxes dealt with the IRS had enough and said NO. Thus the audit. How in God’s name can anyone predict what their taxes will be for future years if it has not occurred? Bertha looked at her Ouija board and snarfed. Apparently the good board does not speak to the tax gods.
The IRS was specific, nothing that one uses for vanity, greed, doctoring your financial books is acceptable. That sort of takes care of most of the rich and famous doesn’t it? Bertha argues that if Kim Kardashian can use her behind for a tax deduction, Bertha should be allowed to use her boobs. If Donald can play hide the salami and use his insults and twitter feeds for tax deductions, along with the massive insults, crude behavior, Bertha too must be able to use her tushy inflator. In Trumps case, the IRS knows they can’t arrest the bastard because if they do, and he isn’t working, they can’t collect. Does that make him any less guilty? Hell No. The man is a tax cheat. Kardashians are an animal unto themselves, and in the eyes of the IRS are seen as mostly plastic and non beings. Now, if Kim chose to try to sell her ass, or tits, then she might be seen as a human capable of paying taxes.
This just makes Bertha snarf even more. Bertha is half implants, did get her lopped off and her eyes crossed, that had to count for some sort of medical expenses. Trump says if it can be deducted for 2019, go for it. Um, Donald, your laws don’t fly. Now, there are people we would like to see get caught, strung up and flogged in public. But that would mean most of your family, and in-laws. Folks, taking the advice of someone whom the IRS would like to see turned from a financial rooster to a hen, locked up, forced to eat spam, clothes from Wal-Mart, isn’t someone you want as your guru. If Bertha got an audit, and this dame is pretty sharp as to what flies and what does not? Humans are in for a world of hurt.
Bertha, we know you will do the right things, list what is legal, and puppy will find a better way to use his produce. Has he tried spanking the monkey? It’s not quite as fun as carrots or melons, but it gets the job done. It is legal, a little naughty, and gets that za zoo thing going. Your collar is ok, as it is necessary, can be used for those randy nights on the pont du gar. Donald, your collar isn’t going to fly. Unless you chose to lop yours off, and become a monk, sorry dude.
Bertha we snarf with you, understand your pain and wish you the best with your cold and audit. As for the rest of those who refused to listen to local and state offices? We tried to warn you.