Bertha Discusses Bad Behavior….

Bertha likes to play hide the salami as much as the next sheep. She likes the hide and seek, and pin the tail on the Greitens.  But what she does not like is the idea of politicos who use and abuse their position, Be it on top, bottom, on the side, or in a threesome, to abuse women. Forcing them into sex, or dirty photos with the intent to blackmail is just tacky, and for certain politicos, illegal.

There is a dangerous pattern emerging that goes way beyond a casual cigar. We have not one but two members no pun intended of the same body, behaving badly. When you have grown men of both parties saying enough is enough, get a clue. If you are trump, it’s not enough to lie about one’s wealth to hide the lack of it, totally misrepresenting yourself. Now he lies about hookers in Russia. Comey didn’t ask him about hookers, leading us to speculate, where there is denial, and its not in Egypt, there has to be a guilty potus. Trump can blame Comey, but when Donald is behaving like a bad knock off of la famiglia, it is time to cry Scene and Exit.

Now, the governor of Mo. is on the same raft as the Donald, and both Melania and Greitens wives have cut ties and are sailing solo. Ahem, guys, you can’t play hide the salami under yellow rain and then cry foul. Eventually the lies come out, and the hookers begin to sing. This goes way beyond spank the monkey and cry uncle. They now have lawyers who are not clients and are indeed speaking out and up.

Bertha says enough is enough, it is time to put both animals back in their pens and lock the doors throwing away the keys. The witch hunt as both men scream is not a witch hunt, rather calling out bad behavior. This makes Bill look like a choir boy, and George a saint. There is a difference between oops I wet them, and I used my position and organs for profit and position. Sorry boys but even your own buddies have sworn you off and won’t touch you nor your pals. You are now the hemorroids on the behinds of your parties. No amount of preparation H will get rid of that stench.

To the whistleblowers, again no pun intended, bravo, we need more like you, and sheep support you. To the louses in chief, get to know a chastity belt. Bad behavior by anyone is never acceptable, and nobody is above the law.







It does not take a rocket scientist to see that certain groups have gone out of their way to disenfranchise the voices of future voters. Well let it be known, SHEEP STAND WITH STUDENTS ET ALL WHO WANT TO DO AWAY WITH ASSAULT WEAPONS OF MASS DISTRUCTION. Sheep get it too well how the masses want to silence dissenters, and see a dangerous pattern of acceptance from too many who refuse to stand behind our students, nieces, nephews, sons and daughters, teachers that go to school fearing for their lives. Sheep get it.

Sheep have a theory, those who feel the need to carry must be trying to make up for what they lack in certain departments. Yes, take that any way you wish. Sheep had to go to great lengths to remain hidden, changing our appearance, but not voices to give voice to those who have been silenced, or too afraid to speak up and out. There is nothing acceptable about carrying a gun unless you are a cop, in the military, FBI or under covert Cover. Nobody needs a bump stock to kill Bambi, and teachers who already have injured students while trying to demonstrate how to shoot a gun, proved our point two weeks ago.

Bertha says, those from Mo who refuse to support our students should not be voted back into office. If they take money from the NRA, they should be refused to run again. Yes, sheep are prepared to list those who stand against students. Yes we will come out with a list of those that took money from the NRA for their campaigns. Sheep won’t be silenced. We do not have masses of marchers, nor dreamers behind us, it’s just us. But you don’t need but a few to make a point. The sad part is too many have either given up, or figured it was someone else’s problem. It is everyone’s problem. It is everyone’s issue. Like the marches on Viet Nam, the millions of those who march today, tomorrow, are future voters. Do not count on them to put you back in office, not going to happen. Like Michael Weston said, they have been burned.

They can try to find the few, the lame, and the uneducated, to rally their cause, threaten those who go against them. But they cannot fight a tidal wave. They will huff and puff and try to blow your houses down, use whatever means to undermine the voices of the people standing with students and their families. They forget, they are not the CIA, nor any branch of the government, just a bunch of rich, white, angry, fools, or malcontents that are racist, bigots, lacking any form of common sense. They are a private group of people much like the Lions Club, that have taken this country hostage.

They can be compared to terrorists, yes, that is another good name for them. Instead of using waterboarding, dry humping, or using loud noise, bad music, bombastic means to brain wash those living under a rock. There is just one thing wrong with that, it does not give them nor their followers the right to foist their agendas on the lives of innocent students, parents, aunts or uncles. We are not at war, only in their twisted minds, not facing firing squads, only the mentally unfit who are carrying weapons with one purpose in mind. It does not take a veggie humping canine to point out the obvious, but if we must that is what we will do.

Yes, sheep stand with students, their parents, families, children who are becoming the pariahs for using common sense to fight the hypocrisy, and incompetence plaguing the country. We say go forth and prosper, do not accept mediocrity, nor placebos, demand the truth always and refuse gifts from anyone that is out to be your buddy. Sheeprants is hellbent on getting behind you, not in front of you, standing with you, not out to use you. We totally refuse to allow anyone to silence us, and we won’t let them silence you. We may not march, but we stand world-wide, and won’t back down. Your fight, our fight is too big to ignore, nor to go away. Steven Hawking was our hero, and if he was alive today, he would tell you, the world is not getting smaller, it is getting bigger, so must your voices.

We are dedicated to those without a voice, that need a larger platform, and are unafraid to go against the tide. Like spawned salmon, we will continue to embarrass, out, list, connect, anyone that refuses to stand with the people, and make no mistake, students are PEOPLE. Trump can try to call us disgruntled sheep, or that we are on the rag, in need of a good romp with carrots, whatever. Donald, either back the people you agreed to protect, and no it’s not the NRA, or become a plumber.



Bertha Takes On The NRA Sheep Style…..

Ahem, must Bertha remind the public that the NRA is not in fact a government entity, but a private organization? Folks, you have been duped into thinking this organization funded by the most vile of reptiles is nothing more than a group of angry men, hopped up on too much whisky, beer, their own power trips, excrement, designed to dictate political outcomes and candidates.

Bertha is prepared to further remind them that bribing public officials, candidates, organizations, for the sole purpose of controlling the outcome is both illegal and tacky. They no more care about the safety of the public than puppy cares about the carrots and squash he defiles. It is all about money, control, blackmail and a need to bastardize the constitution. Do they care about your kids, wives, husbands, boyfriends, sisters or brothers? No. Does it bother them at all that they encourage young kids to use weapons designed to take out terror organizations? NO. They want the world to be armed to the teeth with guns that kill people. They want teachers and students from pre-schools to high schools, colleges and universities to be armed.

What the hell are they so afraid of? When they came out of the womb what sort of images did they see? Do you think this brain fart they suffered from at birth was the result of mom ingesting vast amounts of beer, or war films? Did they come out breach and the docs had to spank them to get them to stop giving the finger? Sheep have never seen a more paranoid group of people, unless you include dick Cheney, and perhaps the guy who suffered from cat scratch fever.

People should be frightened if they are getting a proctology exam and they are not in a doctor’s office. Yes, when you see hamsters and rodents by all means run like hell.  If you see Harvey Weinstein or any of the Weinstein brothers, yes run. But when Bertha was a child nobody was allowed near guns, saw guns sold in stores with sheep food, allowed kids near them. They were reserved solely for police, FBI, the military, but never in the classroom, bars, stores, out in the streets, college campuses, nowhere in public period.

The idea the NRA encourages death should scare the hell out of the public, as what else do they expect to happen with so many people carrying weapons that kill people? Sheep are never going to support the NRA, we won’t take money to go away, shut up, nor stop attacking them or their ilk. Sheep are peaceful, strong, intelligent beasts who choose to use words over bullets, justice over corruption, and Robert Muller to get Trump out of office.

Trump you should be ashamed of yourself, back sliding, and taking the side of the NRA. You just gave this rogue group of maniacs the match, gasoline and told them, to arm babies. Guys it is time to shut down this group of maniacs. The monster that has been created, allowed to continue, will become the end of us all. We know there are groups that can’t wait to get upstairs, but taking the entire world with you isn’t your right nor your prerogative. Those led by that guy whom they treated like royalty, who supported the NRA, need we say more? Yeah, that guy.

Bertha and Puppy will not arm themselves with weapons, carry concealed weapons, nor allow family members to do so. Puppy will carry his stash of squash, carrots, the occasional melons, a mop and bleach bottle, and Bertha will sport mace and a taser in her ta- ta’s, but a gun? Never.

Guys, do you really want to get into a situation where you forgot you are carrying a gun and your pants go off along with the family jewels? Hello. Do you want grandpa to appear in his nothings with his jingles hanging low and swinging, as he gums his teeth and eyes his next victim?  Or what about running into an ex girlfriend whom you gave the clap or worse to and she blows off the family whistle? Take that any way you wish. Don’t think it won’t happen, if Lorena did this with a knife, do you think a pissed off sista won’t do so with a gun?

Or giving a baby an armed pistol with dad sprawled out on the couch, beer can on the floor, and the baby taking the gun, blowing  daddy away and see if he bounces back. NO Co chise, you don’t want to let this happen. Family pets are living in fear. And Black Friday? You thought a bunch of wild women got pissed over a box of candy, wait until they are all armed to the teeth? Will those sales look as sweet?

Sheep want you to look at all of the issues before you let this rogue group of maniacs brain wash you. They don’t care if people kill each other, or your loved ones. The NRA must be shut down, told to go away, or a country that does not care if they blow each other up. But to dictate policies that affect so many women, children, families. NO.

Sheep are not going away NRA. We won’t go until you do.


Bertha is snarfing…..

Bertha has made an observation. The current government shut down is much like a family picnic, only the family happen to be the dems and the republicans. One family member whom we can blame for much of this fiasco wants to do away with caca. The dreamers who are fighting for access of all items on the buffet are getting met with stiff nips on the toucas. The dems want them and their extended family members to have access to the BBQ, the potato salad,  and dessert, while the republican relatives say NO. Republicans want them to have access to the lime Jello that nobody likes or wants. The dems are giving an ultimatum, they will take the lime Jello, provided they get healthcare for babies, Medicaid for granny, spending for the military and full access for caca.

The fiasco in chief has said he wants his wall along with full deportation of all caca dreamers. That is like saying he wants the buffet and the Pepcid that will follow, but not give an inch on any other food item unless caca is taken off the table. Let’s be clear here, the whole issue is CACA. There is no in-between, and no amount of Charmin will change who is allowed to use the latrine and the sink, blow dryer, and soap. In the mean time, we have grandma’s getting tossed out in the street once their Medicare runs out, and Medicaid gets taken off the table. The middle class and working class are still getting screwed by the lack of decent wages and healthcare that was part of this buffet. Why? CACA. The fiasco in chief wants the rich to get their 18 and 19 taxes prepaid, which according to the IRS is illegal, not caring if those in San Juan are still without water, electricity, aide, nada. He just wants his wall that separates his share of the buffet from the dregs he wants to leave to the masses.

We have laws that have been on the books to enforce immigration. Nobody wants to upset the buffet by telling one part of the family, NO, while the republican side is happy to not just say NO but assist with the physical removal of the debris. This is much like making an appointment to hold a spot in line, to be told, it was given away. They know how to make the reservation, they just can’t hold the reservation. So now it is a caca reservation issue. You can look at the buffet, smell the buffet, we will even let you dream that you can eat the buffet, but you cannot use a fork, knife, your hands, nor any other utensil to get that food into your mouth. In fact, you cannot have the food that is sitting on the table in front of you.

Bertha is snarfing. Because neither side can come to the table without creating mass chaos, shutting down and off items sheep and humans need, (especially in a deadly flu season). Everyone gets the trots. Soldiers who have given up life and limb cannot get access to watching football, TSA must grope and search you without so much as getting dinner and drinks first, pubic monuments and parks are off-limits as that could cause some to assume they have gotten access to the buffet. Bertha wants to be able to travel, get groped, visit the statue of liberty without having to worry she will get sent back to the pen. For those who don’t know Bertha is Irish. She and puppy had to go thru heavy paper works to allow them to become Americans. She had to become a transgendered sheep, and puppy had to get placed on the horny pedophile list that has been caught stashing and fondling fruit and produce. Yet, both are seen as legal Americans who can move about as they please. Why? Neither tried  to bring in family members without going thru the change, nor use innocent males to get green cards, produce maybe, but green cards NEVER. Yet the fiasco in chief may still see them as undocumented and try to ship them back home. Does it matter the fiasco was married to someone who herself was not legal at the time of her modeling tenure? No. Yet Bertha and puppy could still risk deportation because some yoyo on fiasco’s staff does not know legal from illegal.

Is it an ethics question or moral issue? Puppy can romp fruit and produce, but he can’t stash and carry on an aircraft. Bertha can travel, blind everyone with her implants, yet still get a slap and tickle session if she shows off her toucas. So is this the result of caca? Many would say yes. Sheep know what we had to go thru to remain in this country legally. We made the ultimate sacrifice. Yes, the family jewels had to go, the wigs had to go on, eyes had to cross, wax had to be used to remove our fur and dammit, we had to learn how to drive a stick. They could not give us an automatic, we got the stick in more ways than one.

This is why sheep and puppy refuse to go to family gatherings, too much harassment, too little access. Until the family BBQ can be dealt with so all sides are happy or at least given balance if not access? Laxatives are a good option without access to bathrooms or Imodium. In other words shit or get off the pot, decide who gets the Lime Jello and be done with it already.

Bertha Blames Trump for Tax Audit….

Bertha is snarfing, aside from trying to beat this human flu bug from hell, she was informed she will be audited. Bertha is sitting on her divan, Kleenex sticking out of her nose, eyes running, boobs hanging sideways, as she tries to gather her receipts for her tax audit. Apparently thanks to Donald Trump, what she was told she could use for deductions, does not fly with the IRS.

Puppy enters the room, grabs his produce and begins sorting thru the rash of papers, items, toys, and crudité platters. Apparently nobody at the IRS found it amusing that he tried to list produce, a bleach bottle, mop or melons. Had they been listed under meals, he might have gotten a partial deduction, but romping, rolfing, having a go with anything that does not belong in the back-end, does not constitute meals. hamsters on the other hand, are considered deductions for Med students, as those require their skills for removal. Puppy the ever insistent beast that he is, is researching ways he can list his stash.

Bertha, tried to list her usual suspects, inflatables, inserts, wax, tanning beds, glasses, contact lenses. Of those, only the contact lenses, glasses were considered legit. They fall under medical. But trying to maintain her boobs, tushy, tan, wax, just don’t cut it. Unless during the lopping of the family jewels things somehow got removed, boob maintenance is not considered a taxable event. Word to the dames with inserts, gals, that new boob job isn’t medical, its vanity.

But her teeth, feet, and any other part of her anatomy was up for grabs. As Bertha struggled trying to sort the documents, she kept whining, her nose was running like a faucet, and she was trying to open those damn child proof cold med packages. Sheep can’t open things like humans can, hooves only get you so far. Puppy took the bottle and between his teeth and paws was able to open the package. Of course in doing so they flew around the room and one ended up down the toilet. Bertha wasn’t going to let a pill escape so she dove in head first to get her nose stuck. She got the pill and like a champ was holding it up like a gold medal. Puppy grabbed her by her boobs and eventually the popping noise ended up to be her head, not the implants.

As Bertha continued to go thru her documents, she came across the item that Trump states was legal to do for 2018 from 2019. Yes, we are talking about those taxes the rich and greedy were trying to take advantage of. Apparently when she and they tried to get their 2019 and 2020 taxes dealt with the IRS had enough and said NO. Thus the audit. How in God’s name can anyone predict what their taxes will be for future years if it has not occurred? Bertha looked at her Ouija board and snarfed. Apparently the good board does not speak to the tax gods.

The IRS was specific, nothing that one uses for vanity, greed, doctoring your financial books is acceptable. That sort of takes care of most of the rich and famous doesn’t it? Bertha argues that if Kim Kardashian can use her behind for a tax deduction, Bertha should be allowed to use her boobs. If Donald can play hide the salami and use his insults and twitter feeds for tax deductions, along with the massive insults, crude behavior, Bertha too must be able to use her tushy inflator. In Trumps case, the IRS knows they can’t arrest the bastard because if they do, and he isn’t working, they can’t collect. Does that make him any less guilty? Hell No. The man is a tax cheat. Kardashians are an animal unto themselves, and in the eyes of the IRS are seen as mostly plastic and non beings. Now, if Kim chose to try to sell her ass, or tits, then she might be seen as a human capable of paying taxes.

This just makes Bertha snarf even more. Bertha is half implants, did get her lopped off and her eyes crossed, that had to count for some sort of medical expenses. Trump says if it can be deducted for 2019, go for it. Um, Donald, your laws don’t fly. Now, there are people we would like to see get caught, strung up and flogged in public. But that would mean most of your family, and in-laws. Folks, taking the advice of someone whom the IRS would like to see turned from a financial rooster to a hen, locked up, forced to eat spam, clothes from Wal-Mart, isn’t someone you want as your guru. If Bertha got an audit, and this dame is pretty sharp as to what flies and what does not? Humans are in for a world of hurt.

Bertha, we know you will do the right things, list what is legal, and puppy will find a better way to use his produce. Has he tried spanking the monkey? It’s not quite as fun as carrots or melons, but it gets the job done. It is legal, a little naughty, and gets that za zoo thing going. Your collar is ok, as it is necessary, can be used for those randy nights on the pont du gar. Donald, your collar isn’t going to fly. Unless you chose to lop yours off, and become a monk, sorry dude.

Bertha we snarf with you, understand your pain and wish you the best with your cold and audit. As for the rest of those who refused to listen to local and state offices? We tried to warn you.


Men Behaving Badly….

Bertha needs to address something with men. NO matter what your little general is begging for, unless a woman agrees to salute, the answer is NO. Apparently some men didn’t get the memo, or chose to ignore it. Matt, Harvey, Donald, Al, Bill. We know Bill isn’t on that list at present, but we need to keep him on his toes and off his feet. That’s what they said. lol.

Sheep understand, as far back as childhood, men are told be macho, go for the gusto, if it is there, grab it and hump it. The problem is, it wasn’t the bleach bottle, produce, trees, hell anything that was stagnant. They took this to mean, if it had tits, a toucas, wasn’t beaten with the ugly stick, HUMP IT. Well, up until now you have gotten by with this, and even puppy is disgusted. If the little guy humped as much as you all, we would never see him and he would be blind. Instead he gets his ya ya’s with produce. Nothing like a good romp with carrots to get a good morning started. According to him, it serves two purposes, not only do you get your rocks off, you have a nice crudité platter for later.

Bertha likes to be groped, she likes to be humped, but there is a time and place for it, and unless she has given the green light, steer clear of her. You may end up losing your manhood, and walking and talking like a dame. George is that you? Kidding George, we know you were a man of your word. Every time Bertha turns on the news its a new perv who got it caught.

Guys, remember the old adage, you have two hands? Begin introducing them, from now on if you so much as look at a female wrong, or breathe on her? Oy, slap and tickle will take on a whole new meaning. If you are not bitch slapped one way you will be another. Either way, women have it out for you. You have been warned.

So what caused this, not enough time with the mop? The bleach bottle not doing it for you? If you are anywhere and someone even thinks you are entertaining performing the hamster dance, you have trouble. If the little guy needs to break loose, find the nearest piece of produce and have a go. We won’t tell. Sheep don’t care if its melons, oops, we used her nick name, or carrots, squash, just don’t let the hamster out of the cage. Hell if there is a nice bottle of Tide around, use it, abuse it, we don’t care. Just keep the little guy out of the public’s view.

But that didn’t stop some men, as they still had to get their ya ya’s on. The prairie home pervert was accused of being kind, patting a woman on the back, and wham! Now he is public enema number one. The Horror. Matt we knew was a little letch, and Harvey was a horn toad on the make. Conyers we think wasn’t really trying to make a grab, he was just trying to recall what it was used for, that it could be used, was proud of that fact and insisted on showing it off to his associate. Sadly for him, she was not as impressed. Did that make him a pervert? No.

Russell Simmons, also caught with the hamster out of the cage. In his case, the guy got a bad wrap from his ex-wife. He got reamed that way and was trying to remember how to do that again, with someone who gave a damn. Russell, the problem was, you should have given the girl a chance to say NO, or Not Tonight. Oy, how the mighty have fallen.

They are falling literally on their swords, and it’s no longer a laughing matter. If they so much as look at a female she is liable to slam him with a harassment suit. Sheep feel for men, we even have felt men up, down, and everywhere in between. But there is a time and place. Donald doesn’t care if he openly discusses his indiscretions in public. The key here is not to discuss anything with the words pubic in public. They need to add him to the list of gropers and sinners.

Ladies, he isn’t worth it, trust sheep. The guy is a toad, he is a slime doggy, who makes Bill look like a saint. Yes we said that. Bill likes women, got caught with one, and even admitted to liking cigars, but OY GAVALT ! Donald openly talked about how women were so easy, how he could grab them by the kitty and they would service him. That wasn’t one he was talking about unlike Bill, that was plural. Sure, Bill got his toucas caught in the bleach bottle with Hillary, (bad choice of words), But Donald admits to groping any female that moves. He degrades them in public. Bertha wants a go with him, not to please him, rather to give him a sharp bite in the hamster den. She is totally disgusted by him.

Guys, you make your brothers look bad. You are grown beings who should know how to treat women. At least buy them dinner first before grasping at melons. Kellie Ann is looking around, who me? Sarah you have a chance to fix this, run, throw on your Nike’s and Run. Don’t say you were not warned. Don’t come crying to Bertha if he makes a grab. What were you beaten with the ugly stick? No you were not, ergo, you are not safe. Run!

As for those who still insist on doing the hamster dance in public, who insist on showing it off to whoever will pay attention? One word, DON’T. If you need to express yourself, that is what the bleach bottle and mop are for, what water melons are for, just don’t bring it around women without an invite. NOW, and invite isn’t your interpretation, NO it is not. Unless you see her giving a green light and she is wearing a catcher’s mitt? I don’t think so. And you say sheep are perverted…..The Horror!

Educating Trump….

Yes, you forced us to do this post as clearly Trump needs to understand there are certain things you can’t do or say. Even sheep when we blog are careful not to insult those with disabilities, etc.

Homer, you just cannot use terms like Pocahontas, it is derogatory and insulting to Native Americans. That is like those morons who say that all Italians are mafia dons. Donald, you insulted the twerp from North Korea, which he is going to use to ignite a war with the US. There is only one thing you can do with the Native Americans. Apologize. I know its hard for someone like you to admit you were wrong. Do we have to flog you with squash before you see how wrong you have been?

Sheep have been known to use terms that can take double meanings. What we do to preface it is to let the readers know this is SATIRE. You were serious. Big difference. Sheep apologize to anyone who has ever taken offense by terms we have used, but to get a message across, sometimes you have to use satire and humor to get people to take the stick out, rose glasses off, and look at the bigger picture.

Donald does not know the difference. He has no sensitivity ship. The guy could be cut open and they would find necrosis instead of a heart. As for a soul, well, we know that is missing as well. Sarah, to defend your boss is one thing, but to defend him when he insults people who already have issues, by that we mean land issues? You can’t.

Sarah is one of those dames who would defend someone even if they committed the Kennedy assassination. NO dear, there is no fixing this other than to claim he misspoke, apologizes and hope they accept. Oy, we know Rocket Man is already too far gone to accept anything. Roy the Putz is a pedophile who will never see the error in his ways, and your family? Don’t get us started.

We know when W made comments it was Bush speak. We took his cocaine abuse as a reason for his lack of intelligence, but Donald? Unless he was snorting cat droppings? He has no excuse. This is the result of his relations with KKK members and skin heads. That isn’t the kind of thing POTUS are supposed to be saying, even in private. Did he not see Dances with Sheep? NO dear you don’t insult them. You don’t insult anyone of ethnic background, race, or species. Just don’t go there.

Is there medication for this? No. Not even a romp with squash could undo the mess in his head. Yes, take that as you wish. NO romping carrots, melons, nada can undo this. There are suppositories that can extricate the evil out of him, but do we really want that to happen in public? NO. There are brownies that can be baked and given with a similar effect. But unless he eats a pan of them, or uses a whole box of ex-lax? It won’t change him. His eyes might cross a while, but they will uncross, much to our unhappiness.

So how do you undo damage from something like this? If Melania uses the cast iron fry pan enough, something might rattle loose. But that should not be used in the bed room as he may take that as foreplay. Ditto spanking the monkey. No he needs something really tough enough to undo that ca ca that has nested in his brain. Until then, my fine, Native Americans, Black Lives Matter, etc. Sheep are sorry for our POTUS’s inability to own a sensitivity chip. He has buffalo chips, but not a sensitivity chip.

Homer, you are on Santa’s naughty list, and if you keep at this pace? Reindeer droppings will be dropping on your head. NO HO, HO, HOES. Those go to Bill.